We read books on parenting; we trade advice with other parents. We limit screen time in an attempt not to over-schedule our kids. We know when to praise our kids for their efforts instead of their innate ability. We try to do what is right. But there is one guilt-inducing area in which many of us admit that we fail in our job. We yell at our kids, more than we’d like to. And then we feel lousy about it. Parental yelling is not well-documented but a survey in 2003 revealed that 75% of parents yelled at their kids. Parenting experts have two reasons why parents shouldn’t yell at their kids: It is damaging for their emotional development and it is bound to fail.

On an average, we may parents yell at our kids almost once a month. But a report published in the Journal of Marriage and Family suggests that it happens more than that. Yelling is now so ordinary and taken for granted that it doesn’t stand out one’s memory.

Yelling Can Harm Your Kid

Parental yelling harms the emotional development of a child. It makes them feel so scared and worried that they end up being unable to play or learn. Jim Taylor, a psychologist, PhD, a father of two and author of Your Children Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You, says that yelling induces fear in kids.

Why Does Yelling Always Fail?

Yelling does give birth to fear. Fear in turn induces a temporary behavior change. When you are not yelling at them and the fear isn’t present, they have no inducement for engaging in the behavior you were yelling at them for.

When you are yelling, you barely get the message across and your kids engage in the same behavior you had been yelling at them for in your absence. Secondly, yelling models them into thinking that this is an acceptable way to treat people and get things done.

The Feeling of Security

Kids want to feel secure and loved. But when you yell at them, you are reducing yourself to them. Parents lose their power by losing control of their temper. You show them that you’re not in control anymore and that’s scary for them.

All parents lose their cool at one time or another with their kids. But knowing how damaging it can be to the emotional development of a child and why it is bound not to work might change the opinions of many parents. The idea is that parents should not yell at kids, instead they should talk to them gently and quietly, so they can hear your words and not just your voice.