Look on to little boys and girls playing for 5 minutes and before you know it, someone is going to point out how much better the girls’ social and verbal skills are from boys’ and how much more psychically able the boys are. At this point, someone is surely going to comment on how girls’ and boys’ heads are wired differently. Such pictures painted by the gender stereotypes can gnaw progressive parents who attempt to give their children the freedom to explore their innate personalities and abilities, instead of squeezing them in blue and pink boxes set by gender stereotypes. There is never a shortage of reactions to parents attempting to raise the children in gender neutral environment. Responses run the gamut from confusion, shock, judgment and disagreement, to support, acceptance and understanding.

Gender neutral parenting (GNP)

Numerous couples are joining Beck Laxton and Kieran Cooper who have till now kept the gender of their baby a secret from everyone except for those on the diaper duty. According to them, gender stereotyping is not the result of handwriting but is taught and reinforced by parents intentionally or unintentionally.

Gender neutral parenting (GNP) rises above the stereotypical princesses and warriors and allows the child to explore their innate personalities and abilities instead of pigeonholing them in gender roles.

Gender stereotypes and parents

By using traditional parenting phrases like ‘don’t cry’, ‘you’re ok’, and ‘it’s not that bad’, parents further reinforce the belief that boys are supposed to be emotionally restrained. These traditional stereotypes have embedded themselves in our minds since a long time, influencing our parenting techniques as we raise our kids.

GNP, on the other hand, contradicts these beliefs that have for so long influenced parenting. It takes a lot of courage to accept it and raise your kids differently for their betterment. Raising a gender neutral child is not a smooth ride for parents in such a gender biased world. It is easy to succumb to your own gender bias and engage in gender stereotypical behavior like encouraging girls to stay clean and deterring boys from wearing frilly clothes and nail polish.

GNP begins at home

Sometimes it’s not us who want our kids to comply with the gender that their body is molded in. We, as responsible parents, want to protect them from teasing and social disapproval making them an outcast in school. Parents want to steer clear of this as a lack of support for their kids’ choices has a far greater impact than the society’s opinion of them.

The concept of GNP revolves around giving your child an opportunity to seek a comfortable spot on the continuum that the society calls gender.

GNP will NOT make your child gay

Many people who are against GNP assess the gender bending behavior in kids as traces of homosexuality and encourage parents to seek professional help in order to rectify this gender ‘error’. Research on this topic, however, suggests that parents do not play any role in a child’s adoption of a specific gender. Instead it is a strong genetic component that determines if a child is homosexual or not. It is not something that parents can ‘train’ or teach a kid to be. Kids who are brought up by lesbian moms or gay fathers have an equal chance of turning out homosexual as the kids of heterosexual couples. Nothing parents do, or don’t do, is going to influence the sexual orientation of the child.

GNP is not going to affect their final sexual preference but is going to determine the amount of trauma a child may be experience during his or her childhood. A gender neutral child is less likely to face trauma as he or she is not going to get too crushed under the weight of parental expectations. Such children are allowed to choose their comfort level on the gender spectrum.

GNP not neutral at all

Despite the name, gender neutral parenting is not neutral at all. It’s all about gender diversity and removing limitations to gender expression. GNP is more about exposing you kid it a wide variety of gender types and then allowing them to choose what they are most comfortable with.

GNP at puberty

Teens, by the very definition of their age group, discover themselves and experience radical changes in their life. This life transition is even more difficult for a homosexual child. On one hand they feel like their body is betraying them all the time and on the other they feel the expectations their parents and the society has for their specific gender. They are crushed between the desire to be themselves and parental expectations. At this time, a lack of support from their parents is going to have long-term and strong effects. With gender neutral parenting, you spare your child the trauma that comes along with the gender biases of the society.