If you’ve got a teenager in the house, you know this feeling. That sinking sensation in your gut when you realise you’re not having a chat; you’re being managed. It starts with a massive sigh, an eye-roll that could power a small wind turbine, or the classic "You just don't get it!".

Then it gets bigger. The "But everyone else is going!" The "I'll be the only one!" The guilt-trip that leaves you feeling like the worst parent in the world. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? One minute you’re looking at your child, the next you’re dealing with a master negotiator who knows every single one of your buttons and isn't afraid to push them.

It. Is. So. Hard.

But please, take a deep breath. You are not alone. This isn't a sign that you've failed. Honestly, in a weird way, it’s a sign they’re growing up. They’re testing their power, trying to find the edges of their world. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating, though!

So, what can you actually do when you feel like you’re being played? It’s not about winning a war. It’s about keeping your sanity and your relationship intact.

Why Do They Do It?

Before we get to the "how," let's talk about the "why." It helps to know you’re not dealing with a tiny villain, just a messy, developing human.

• Their Brains are Still Cooking: The part of their brain that thinks ahead and controls impulses? It’s literally still under construction. The emotional part is running the show. So that massive meltdown isn’t always a clever plan; sometimes it’s just a big feeling exploding out because they don’t know how else to handle it.
• They Want Control: Think about it – you’ve been in charge of their lunches, their bedtimes, their lives for years. Now they want a say. Manipulation is their clumsy, often awful, way of grabbing a bit of power back.
• It’s Worked Before: Remember when they cried for a sweet at the shops and you gave in? We’ve all been there! They learned that day that certain behaviours get results. They’re just using bigger, more sophisticated versions of those old tricks.

What to Do When It Happens

Right, here’s the practical stuff. The things you can try today.

Spot the Game and Gently Name It.

Notice their favourite tactics. Is it the guilt trip? The comparison to other (apparently perfect) parents? When you see it, you can calmly point it out. Not in a snarky way, just matter-of-fact.

Instead of yelling, "Stop guilt-tripping me!"

Try saying, "I hear you're upset, but saying I don't love you isn't fair, and it won't change my mind."
This takes the power right out of the tactic.

Be a Broken Record.
When they’re arguing you in circles, just repeat yourself. It feels silly, but it works.

They say: "But why? It's not fair! Everyone's going! Their parents are cooler!"

You say (calmly): "I know you're disappointed, but the answer is no."

They argue more.

You say: "I'm not changing my mind. The answer is no."
You’re showing them that a storm of words won’t shake you.

It’s Okay to Be Angry, It’s Not Okay to Be Rude.

This is a big one. Let them have their feelings, but draw a line at the behaviour.

You can say, "I get that you're furious with me. That's okay. But it is not okay to call me names. I'm going to walk away now, and we can talk when you're calm."
This teaches them that feelings aren't the enemy, but how we handle them matters.

Please, Pick Your Battles!
If you fight over every little thing – the mess on the floor, the attitude, the clothes – you’ll be at war all the time. Let the small stuff go. Is a grunt instead of "good morning" really worth a row? Save your energy for the big stuff: safety, kindness, and honesty.

Show Them How It’s Done.
They watch everything. If we shout and slam doors, we can’t expect them to be calm. If we make promises we don’t keep, why should they? Try to model the behaviour you want to see. And if you lose your rag (because you're human!), apologise. "I'm sorry I shouted. I was frustrated and I should have spoken nicer." That is so powerful.

Stick to Your Guns.
This is the tough part. A boundary without a consequence is just a suggestion. If they break a rule, there needs to be a clear, related outcome. Not a massive, month-long grounding, but something logical.

If they come home late, they can’t go out next weekend.

If they’re on their phone all night, the phone stays in the kitchen overnight for a while.
And you have to follow through. Every. Single. Time. It’s exhausting, but it’s the only way they learn you mean what you say.

Fill Up Their Love Tank.
Amidst all the rules and rows, don’t forget to just… connect. Watch a rubbish telly programme together. Buy their favourite biscuits. Give them a hug for no reason. A simple "Love you" as they run out the door. This is the most important thing, honestly. It reminds them that underneath all the drama, they are loved, no matter what. It makes the tough times bearable.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

It feels like it will last forever, but it won’t. They will grow up. You’re not just managing a tricky teenager; you’re teaching them how to be a decent adult. By holding the line with love, you’re showing them what respect looks like.

It’s the hardest job in the world. There will be days you cry. There will be nights you wonder where you went wrong. But you’re their anchor in a stormy sea. Keep going. You’ve got this. And remember, every other parent of a teenager is right there with you, probably also hiding in the kitchen wondering what happened to their sweet little kid. It’ll be okay.