For years, psychologists, parents, educators and even kids have been made to believe that bullies suffer from low self-esteem. This constant internal struggle drives them to look for fulfillment in the misery of their victims. However, the traditional belief may be nothing more than a myth, a severe misdiagnosis of the actual problem. While discussing what causes bullying, Paul Coughlin, an anti-bullying expert and founder of the Protectors, rejected the popular belief that low self-esteem contributed to bullying. On the contrary, he was of the opinion that actual problem was the exact opposite, inordinate self-esteem.

A Serious Case of Misdiagnosis

There may be various causes of bullying, but according to Coughlin, low self-esteem is definitely not one of them. The anti-bullying expert believes that the root cause of the problem is an inflated self-esteem. Bullies behave the way they do because they’re tightly holding on to the perception that they are far better and important than others. Who is responsible for planting such a skewed notion into their minds? It happens to be none other than the parents, who constantly shower their little ones with praise, thinking it will be good for their self-esteem. Coughlin admitted that appreciation is an important part of child development and plays a significant role in nurturing self-believe. However, he noted that an overdose can have severe side-effects. Being constantly reminded of how great they are, such kids begin to think of themselves as superior and start to consider it their right to be the center of attention. When they feel that someone else is stealing the spotlight that “rightfully belongs to them”, they retaliate by harming them through verbal, mental or physical abuse. The anti-bullying expert contended that putting someone with an already inordinate ego in a self-esteem plan will prove to be nothing but counterproductive.

How to Deal with Bullies then

Dealing with bullying is not just a choice; it’s a necessity, one with huge implications. According to Coughlin, 85 percent of the 37 school shooters questioned by the US Secret Service confessed to be victims of bullying. One way to curb bullying is by discouraging such behavior. This raises the question of how to handle someone with a superiority complex and aggression. The anti-bullying expert feels that instead of turning to self-esteem plans, the focus should be on teaching bullies humility. This can make them understand that they’re no better and no worse than others. Coughlin further added that it’s important to make bullies aware of the inappropriateness of their behavior so that they may confess their mistake.

Bullying is a complex problem and the mindset of those perpetrating it only adds to the complication. However, it’s nothing that can’t be dealt with if addressed and confronted thoughtfully and tactfully.